The things NO ONE tells you about pregnancy...

Being Pregnant is AMAZING, right?

Actually, it's legitimately one of the strangest experiences of my entire life.  

In all fairness, it's also one of the coolest and most beautiful things I've ever experienced.  But it's mostly just really really weird.

Let's cover a few of the "joys" right now:

1.  Feeling the baby move is the most amazing thing in the entire world!

CORRECTION:  While there is truth in this (feeling your child move is pretty awesome) it's also FREAKY AS HELL when the baby moves around.  My personal favorite is when he decides to kick me right in the cervix.  Imagine getting kicked in the cooch, but on the inside.  It's REALLY weird.  He also loves swiping a hand or foot across my whole uterus when he rolls over, which feels nothing short of an alien in my belly.  Like I said, freaky as hell.

2.  You may feel a little bit sick in the beginning, but it will all pass!  And it's SO worth it!

CORRECTION:  Pregnancy is different for every woman, but you'll probably feel sick ALL day, EVERY day.  For SEVERAL MONTHS.  For me personally, this was also accompanied by dizziness that was impossible to shake.  The slightest whiff of anything at all would send me into a gagging fit.

It's really difficult to maintain a household and a full time job (usually with overtime) while you feel like you have the stomach flu.  And I am sorry, as much as I love my unborn child, it's pretty hard to see the forest through the trees and understand exactly how this sickness will EVER be worth it.

3.  Pregnancy may sometimes be accompanied by fatigue.

CORRECTION:  You'll sleep for 12 hours, and still feel as if you haven't slept in days.  The slightest physical activity will completely drain you, and probably will also stir up that lovely nausea again.  All you'll want to do is sleep.  Your alarm will be your WORST ENEMY.  As soon as you start to feel like you're getting your energy back... just kidding!  You're exhausted again.

4.  The over-abundance of progesterone may cause your brain to feel a bit fuzzy, but it will all pass once the baby is born!

CORRECTION:  You'll feel like you've smoked 20 blunts in the past 24 hours.  You won't be able to remember jack shit!  If you have something important to do, you'll probably forget.  If you're looking for your keys, your pregnant self probably absent-mindedly placed them in the freezer.  Oh, you want to talk?  Yeah, sorry.  Your pregnant brain will mix up your words and make you forget what you're talking about in the middle of a sentence.  

5.  Your hormones may cause you to feel a bit irrational.

CORRECTION:  You're gonna be a crazy bitch for a little while.  The jury's still out on exactly WHY it's such a huge deal for Safeway to be out of your favorite ice cream, but it's simply unacceptable.  Every single movie or TV Show I watch makes me cry.  Don't tell anyone, but I cried at the end of The Lorax.  Yep.... don't judge me.  And my poor husband has had to deal with more outbursts about stupid, trivial things than ever.  Although it would help if he would clean up after himself every once in awhile... just kidding.  (I love you, honey.)

I sincerely don't feel like my body is my own anymore.  And I guess it's not.

After having my body all to myself for so many years, it's really strange to harbor a fugitive in my belly and let them feed off of my energy.  But at the same time, it's the coolest thing I've ever done.  Rather than going out and getting wasted every night (like most people my age) I'm nurturing a human life.  It's the most rewarding experience I've had thus far, and as much as it's hard on my body, it's also completely worth it.  I'm willing to do anything for this little being growing and changing inside me.  I can't wait until I can hold him in my arms in September.  I'm worried that I won't be able to put him down!  

Signing off for now, but just remember that being pregnant is really, really weird.

<3

On Being a Stepmom (Take One)

For those of you who don't know me, I'm Bri.  

Born and raised in Portland, Oregon (A.K.A. the best place on Earth.)

I moved to Boise, Idaho with my parents in the early 2000's, where I finished high school and 1 1/2 years of college, studying Pre-Med.  Then I realized "Shit, I don't know what I want to do with my life."  So, I'm taking a break.  A well-deserved one, dammit.  

During this break, I've grown and changed as a person more than I ever dreamed possible.  I went through a few relationships (which I'm glad are in the past) worked a few full time jobs and learned what it's like to pay all of my own bills.  And let me tell you, nothing will make you appreciate what your parents have done for you until you have to pay for everything in life by yourself!  

The break from college has also included meeting (and marrying) my husband, Johnny.  Having both just come out of terrible, dead end relationships, I honestly didn't expect it to go anywhere.  But here we are almost two years later, happily married with a baby on the way.

We got married on August 10th, 2012 in Boise.

They say you'll "just know" when you've found "The One".  And they're right.  We both knew pretty much right away that we were meant to be together.  To quote Rascal Flatts:

"God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you."

(Which is our song, bee-tee-dub)

I'm one of the lucky few who is married to her best friend.  He is my partner in crime, I trust him with my life, and we make each other laugh every day.  I legitimately don't think that love like ours really exists in very many places, and I'm so blessed to have met him.  

I'm also blessed to have an amazing stepson, named Paxon.

  He just turned two, which we celebrated by taking him to the Woodland Park Zoo here in Seattle.  

Being a stepmom has brought a whole slew of challenges, none of which were caused by Paxon.  I love him like he's my own, and that will never change.  He's about to have a little brother, coming to a hospital near you in September 2013!

The worst thing to have to witness, is to see lies being spread about someone you love more than anything.  My husband went to hell and back, fighting to be a part of his son's life.  How it wasn't OBVIOUS that a child needs a loving father in his life is still lost on me.  Especially when Johnny was working 60 hour work weeks to support his child, and missing out on valuable time that he should have been allowed to spend with his son.

On top of everything, NEWSFLASH LADIES:

If your baby daddy pays child support, is begging to be able to see his son, spending THOUSANDS upon thousands of dollars in court to negotiate custody, and drives several hours to only see his baby for a few hours every week....

DO NOT call him "sperm donor".  

Yes, in scientific terms, this is completely correct.  Johnny is a sperm donor with Paxon, as he is with our son.  And I'm an egg donor.

But let's get very, very real for a minute.  The term "sperm donor" should be reserved for those men who skip out on their responsibilities and want nothing to do with their kids.  The men who don't even try to do any of the things I mentioned above.

This, for me, has been the hardest part about being a stepmom.  Seeing my husband go through hell just to be allowed to see his son (and still not even close to as much time as Paxon should get to spend with his dad)

I'm just so incredibly thankful that my son will get to grow up in such a healthy, stable and whole environment.  Plus, who wants to be a single parent?!  Crazy people, that's who.  I'm blessed to be sharing this experience with the person I love most in the world.

As a stepmom, the one thing I have to be thankful for is the fact that I am comfortable in my own skin, and completely fine with the fact that Paxon isn't my biological child.  I love him just as much, and I care about him very deeply. Not everyone has to understand it, it's only mine to understand.  I CHOSE to love him like my own son.  And that's a bond that no one can break, no matter how hard they try.  

(Look at those chubby little cheeks!)

Being a stepmom will always be a challenge, as Paxon grows up and wonders why his biological parents aren't together.  Many step-parents wonder where they fall within that process.  

"Well, it's not your responsibility to worry about that"

"It's none of your business, just stay out of it"

The above quotes are subject to serious opinion-based thought.  

It IS my responsibility.  Why?  Because of the choice I made to love Paxon, and my desire to be a part of his life (even though I didn't carry him around for 9 months).

And, reality check.  It is also my business.  Sure, I'm not either party responsible for his existence.  But I'm married to his father.  And Paxon is a huge part of our family.  Shit, we moved our entire lives from Boise to Seattle simply so that Johnny could have a better relationship with his son.  How many dads do YOU know who have done that?  And how many step-moms do you know who have also moved to be closer to their step-child?  I'll bet anything, you could count them on one hand.  

Was it worth it, you may ask?

You really cannot put a price on a child having a happy house to come to (even if it is less often than he should be able to) and a safe, soothing environment.  Paxon is going to look back in 20 years and know how much his father loves and cares about him.  And he's going to know that I love and care about him, too.  Nothing can take that power away from us!  :)

Love is such an incredible thing.

And our life is full of it.  

Will Paxon call me "mom"?  

Probably not, and that's fine.  I'm not his biological mother, and I don't expect him to.

Does it really matter?

Nope.  It sure doesn't.  Because we have a special bond, a chosen bond.

He knows it, and I know it.

And that's the most beautiful and irreplaceable thing in the world.